The Ghost of You

Kurt Cobain with Cig and GuitarThis might be too much for those of you who are pre-coffee because it’s borderline “dark”.  I’ll wait a second while you go fetch a cup. Or, I suppose, the drink of your choice. I’ll ignore the fact that it’s 10 AM.

*taps foot*

Ok, are you back? Let’s go.

I went into a Kurt Cobain and Nirvana spiral yesterday – the kind of spiral that gets hold of you when you least expect it from a memory or something you’ve heard. Nirvana was basically a staple of my teenage years. They supported my teen angst and “I hate everyone” attitude on the days where I felt like life wasn’t fair. But they were also there for the “hell yes” days in celebration of things that went right.

Nirvana was the anthem of my youth.

A few months ago I had the pleasure of going to Seattle for the first time (OMG ALL THE COFFEEEEE)  and one of the places I was most excited to go to was the EMP Museum because of the huge Nirvana exhibit they have.

Okay, okay…AND because you could use their sound booths to record vocals with auto tune and pretend to be T-pain. But I digress.

It was really strange and haunting to stand in front of an exhibit that had Kurt’s shirts that we’ve seen in countless pictures on a mannequin in front of me. It was almost like a ghost was standing there. Maybe it’s the embodiment of the reluctant rock star or hearing the introspective interviews, but you can’t help but feel pulled to the music and his “persona” if you were a fan. Even today.

Even in death, people leave behind such a strong presence that you can’t help but feel it.

Outside of being a kick ass My Chemical Romance song, “The Ghost of You” is a phrase that started dancing around in my head last night, so much so, that I had to put my fingers to the keyboard when I woke up this morning.

The ghost of you.

burn so bright you leave a deep darkness when you go out

It’s something we think about in passing every now and then when the darkness sets in; what legacy am I going to leave behind? Will people remember me? Will I be at the tips of everyone’s tongues or will I become a distant memory?

What is my ghost going to feel like?

I don’t mean this in the literal sense of course – I mean this in the sense of a memory. It’s a hard and uncomfortable thing to think about, but my mind goes there when it’s left to itself and the world around me is silent.

Our lives are about touching others (the immature part of me just giggled) and having a lasting impact. It’s about showing up and making sure that we’re there when others need us the most. What do you want the essence of the “ghost of you” to be? Spend some time thinking about it. I’d love to hear what comes to you in the comments.

Now go find unicorns and rainbows to play with. That was some heavy shit.

I’ll leave you with this fantastical uni-rainbow-catterfly!

uni-rainbow-catterfly

 

Note: I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that I’m behind on my “less and more” posts. I promise I’l have one this week.

Comments

  1. says

    Far out, I just saw your Less&More post and then this. I didn’t expect to end up here from a Wave Accounting testimonial. :P
    Very interesting read. I must admit I was drawn in by the lure of Nirvana. Only in recent years have I really thought about what impact/legacy I will leave behind, and it always comes back to my daughter who is now 4yrs old. Everyday I find myself trying to teach her about compassion, patience and honesty because those qualities are important to me, and they are the things I want her to remember me by. She will ultimately be my impact on the world. My partner is the same way and she works very hard to make sure our girl is happy, brave and motivated.
    I also think of my Mum who passed away recently and the impact she had on me and my sisters. She was everything to us and always will be. Sounds cheesy, but the ghost of her will linger for many generations because of the love she shared. She made a massive difference in a lot of lives, just by being herself. She didn’t set out to be awesome, she just was, and that’s also inspiration to me for how I would like to be remembered – just by leaving a positive impact, big or small.
    Anyway, I wasn’t setting out to drop a whole lot of D&M here, but your post rang loud with me, so thanks again for sharing some cool stuff.
    Peace.

    • Selena says

      I’m so glad you ended up here! Haha, I had Wave update my testimonial link to my business (Orthris.com) but it also had this personal site listed before. :)

      Legacy is such a weird thing. It seems like those who aren’t intentionally setting out to create one are the ones that end up leaving behind such a strong feeling of “them” with those around them. Compassion, honesty and patience are all amazing things to start teaching someone at a young age, because those are the virtues that can easily slip away when the world begins to take hold and basically turn our brains into fuzzy pixels that have too many things to focus on and decipher. One of the best things we can do it teach girls how to grow up to be strong, confident women, and it seems like you’re on the path to doing that :)

      I’m sorry to hear about your mom, but it sounds like she was an amazing women who left the amazing gift of herself with all of you. You’re right – she will continue to give for generations to come.

      It’s my hope that I can build something that can become something greater than myself using the arts as a platform, but we’ll see how that goes…

      Thanks so much for dropped by! I’m really glad you enjoyed taking a read through here.

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