I’m going to take you on a little rant-y journey about body image, treating yo’ self, and fashion. I am by no means an outwardly feminine person. Like, at all. Not really by choice – I mean, my insides have some femininity. To my Inside, I’m pretty much an awesome diva that loves taking care of herself and feeling pretty, while enjoying activities that are typically viewed as ‘guy’ activities – namely, shooting guns and driving fast cars. But even at that, the sensitive interior of Me has feminine tendencies. I think I just fail at the outward, public facing part like grace and subtlety. Fashion? It was pretty much foreign to me up until the past couple of years – and even then, I kind of fell into it because I had to look presentable in the office and where those things called “heels.” The tomboy in me was screaming for sweet relief, but the grown up (if you can even call me that) in me was screaming “try to be professional.” As such, the love affair with heels began.
Heels were one of those things that I was always self conscious about wearing – especially when trying to fit it into other pieces of fashion. There are many reasons for this, and most have to do with personal feelings of awkwardness. For instance…
1. I’m that short person that everyone always thinks is tall when they know me from social and meet me in person. There’s usually a shock factor when they realize that I’m really tiny, or they don’t think it’s me and won’t say hi.
Why? This is the true #1 reason: I have really gangly arms and legs. Super long. Super thin. For reference, see me below:
It actually used to be worse when I was younger, but I think I’ve (kind of) grown into them now where it’s acceptable. The problem with heels – and one of the benefits of wearing them for women – is that it makes you appears longer and leaner. Something I don’t need. Wearing heels makes me look like I’m really just a person walking on stilts disguised as legs. I won’t even go into the work I’ve had to put in to build muscle and actually sustain a normal body weight that fends people off from asking questions about my health, but that’s another story for another day.
Please see the below AMAZING photograph (unedited) from Iconic Beauty, which I’ll talk about in a little bit. It’s a great example of how I look like a much taller person in photos vs. in real life.
Keep in mind. Me = short.
2. Pants never fit me regardless – going back to the gangly gumby problem and also going back to the vanity sizing issue I discussed years ago. Pants or jeans that fit my waste are usually dreadfully short (high waters, anyone?) and ones that fit my leg length and fall gracefully over heels never, ever, ever stay on my waist. Every. It’s the perfect recipe for unintentionally mooning.
3. I did mention the grace part right? Even a small heel was tough for me. But I’ve made great progress lately, where I’m actually able to walk in stilettos without breaking my face on the ground or surrounding objects. High five to progress!
Which leads me to something that I’m super proud of and haven’t really mentioned much about. This summer, I had the opportunity to compete to be the face of an upcoming fashion line called Iconic Beauty. I jumped on the chance for many reasons – one of which was that I really like doing things that push me out of my comfort zone and can lead to amazing opportunities.
I could talk about this competition and how wonderful it was all day. We worked with some of the best photographers out there (Ryan Astamendi, Charlie Couch, Christos Sewell, Ramon Bryce) and I’m dying to see how the rest of the photos came out. We also had a runway show, press interview, and a few other things throughout the weekend.
So how does this tie into the beginning of this post? So I had to wear heels for 4 full days, which isn’t a big deal because I’m a champ and I’ll do whatever it takes to get whatever I want. HOWEVER. Two things. My feet were still recovering from the Authority Rainmaker conference (and some other events) where I wore these lovable and beautiful torture devices all day, err day (because – professional) and I was really ambitious and ended up picking these up from Steve Madden really close to the competition. Because – snakeskin and metal spikes.
Photographer – Ramon Bryce, Makeup – Sarah Sims, Hair – Xitaly [UNEDITED]
C’mon. Shoes? Gorgeous.
Now, these pictures do the heels absolutely no justice whatsoever just because they’re deserving of their own photoshoot ;) I’ve never been complimented as much on shoes as I have when I put these babies on and wandered around. I fell in love with them. Were they worth the almost $200 bucks? Fuck. Yes. Have I ever been one to pay a lot for shoes? No. Because I would always ruin them. I’ve finally broken that spell and I look forward to shelling out money IF (and only IF) I really love the shoes and I plan on wearing them a lot.
Best shoe purchase ever.
The other shoe choice I made that I really loved was something called Tieks – they’re located out here in Beverly Hills. For anyone who knows me well, you know that I live in sandals. Like, basically live 100%. As in, when Shane met me 9+ years ago in NY, I was wearing sandals when it was approaching winter. Now, my alternative has always been to take sandals with me to conferences (or events like Iconic Beauty) and then quickly change into heels when I needed to. I’m faaaaaairly certain there’s nothing sexy about pulling used sandals out of your purse. And I’m also faaaaaairly certain that it’s annoying to require a big purse just to pull said used sandals out to save my feet.
So back to the Tieks. These below? Gorgeous. The shoes and the view. Not my sandal tan lines.
Note: If you ever want to faint from the beauty in the world and you live in Los Angeles, take a drive up to Mulholland Drive and hang out on the Overlook. It’s jaw dropping – especially at night. Just watch your step ;)
Something inside my head was screaming NOPE NOPE NOPE in prep for Iconic Beauty. Not only do I have the weirdest tan lines on my feet from sandals [please see picture above], but I would probably kill any hope that my pedicure would actually stick through the whole competition if I wore sandals in my downtime. Because- me. And I ruin anything remotely nice on my fingers and toes within a day or two of purchase. So I greatly welcomed the Tieks, and the Lovestruck metallic coloring [ If you look at the Tieks Boutiek, you’ll die. It’s like pattern heaven.) I think the biggest challenge was finding a color that I liked because I have a really wide array of clothing styles, and I didn’t want to look like I was wearing black ballerina slippers all the time. Been there, done that. And I think those are still at my friend Tori’s house.
They were kind of pricey (as in, much like the Steve Madden shoes, totally outside of my price comfort zone) but are Tieks really worth the price? [Note: Of course I researched everything possible because I wanted to make sure I couldn’t kill them, break them, have the metallic peel off, or any other thing]. Another resounding hell yes. Not only because it kept my sanity in place knowing that I could fold them up into my bag and save my screaming feet, but they also kept my feet looking pretty while I was in refuge from my heels. They’re super comfy, stylish enough to wear to client meetings, or out. Win, Win. Plus, I didn’t have to stuff old smelly sandals into my purse. Welcome to my life.
Also, the name was pretty fitting, as this followed shortly after getting them… please note, I didn’t intentionally match my shirt with the bottom of the Tieks. I’m not that crafty. I also gave this shirt to my mom, so I can no longer have an accidental pairing like this ever again.
My fingers are cramped. Which means it’s time to end this post. I suppose I can circle this back to the whole beginning of the post and try and wrap it up in a nice neat bow, since I’ve managed to ramble for a long, long time. Maybe I need to write more often? That way you won’t have to live through these long-winded posts from my hectic brain ;)
I think this year has really been the year that fashion has stuck with me. As in, I’m starting to really appreciate fashion as an art form and something happy to integrate into life, rather than something torturous and scary that brings out my inner most fears regarding body image and lack of girly traits. We are what we are. We are who we are. Your inside Me can be different from your outside You – the truth is, everything eventually intertwines into our being anyway. Have some fun. You may find that your outside You brings out a part of your inside Me that you didn’t realize existed.
And hell must have frozen over because I prevented myself from going on a body image and skinny shaming rant here. You’re welcome.
And hey, I may have gumby limbs but at least I have a better chance of reaching the peanut butter on the top shelf than any other girl my height. I’ll leave you with this… again.